#personalempowerment

Ladies, I like making LISTS, can I get a hell yeah?!?! Food lists, to-do lists, call lists, goal lists, you know what I’m talking about. Looooove lists. Last week I made a list of all the lists I need to make.

I struggle with follow-through. Don’t judge me.

And yes, like you, I have kept many a list of the things I am looking for in an ideal man. They have varied in length and detail over the years, but most of my dating life, I had the list.

I’m guessing that you have one too. You may not have a literal list, but if you are looking for THE ONE, and you have any preconceived notions of who that man is, you have a list.

Say it out loud, “Yes Lisa, I have a list.”

Excellent. Now that we’ve brought that to light, I want you to burn that list. Tear it up, throw it away, recycle it, choose your method, but get rid of it.

As much as we love the droplet of dopamine we get from ticking boxes, that particular list is holding you back.

To illustrate why, I ask you to consider a different list. Your bucket list.

Let’s say that you are looking for a SOUL MATE. The person that sees, accepts, and loves you on a soul level. And in order to be intentional about what your soul really wants, you need to get a little more ‘big picture’ about it.

One of the best ways to get real about what your soul wants is to look at your life from the perspective of your deathbed.

Jeez, Lisa. Way to bring it down. 

But listen, this is your soulmate we’re talking about. So, let’s be brave and take a deep, gnarly look at what this means. Imagine that you have found the man of your dreams and spent your lives together. At the end of that life, where will your gratitude come from?

Will you look into your love’s eyes and say, “My Dearest, I am so grateful that you made $250k a year or more”?

Or, “I’m so grateful that you were always tall.”

No.  You would most likely say, “I am so thankful that you always loved me unconditionally. Thank you for being the Guardian of my Soul,”

Once you know that what your soul really desires is unconditional love, you can begin to be intentional about finding it. And because we know that we don’t really attract what we what we are, we can then swap out our To-Do list with a To-Be list.

Yay! A LIST!

In order to find unconditional love, you must first know got to give it. You need to be kind. Thoughtful. You need to be selfless compassionate and accepting.

And the beautiful part is, this list of things gets to replace another useless list we’ve had for years. The list of things we’ve told ourselves we need to be in order to find love: beautiful, young, thin, wealthy, feminine, etc. 

Isn’t that delicious???

Once you begin to look for love in this way, everything changes. You can use every date as an opportunity to practice becoming a kinder and more compassionate person. The more you do this, the kinder and more compassionate you become. The more you seek to become an unconditionally loving person, the more it seeks you.

This mindset shift is not an easy one. It took a lot of pain and deep introspection before I realized that, to attract an unconditionally loving relationship, I had to first know how to love and accept another person unconditionally.   After I figured this out, it took me 96 first dates to find ‘The One.’  

Don’t worry.  I am not expecting you to go on that many dates.  I did that work so that you don’t have to. 

If you are lost and struggling in love and feel that you are losing hope that it will ever happen for you, let me guide you through this process.

For more about how I do that, you can take a peek at my webinar, and be sure to take me up on a FREE one-hour Breakthrough Session. You can also join my Facebook group ‘Dating Without Drama’ or follow me on Instagram to become a part of the conversation.

I’d love to talk about a plan to find that unconditional love that is waiting for you. That call could change your life. Think about how amazing it will feel to check “Find my Soulmate” off your list. 

I look forward to connecting with you!
Nakedly Yours,

Hey Ladies, any of you ever been on a diet? Anyone?? Really? You too? Maybe you’re on one right now and want to punch your screen that I would even ask such an asinine question.

Well, here’s another one: have you ever been on a diet and lasted less than a week, only to collapse into a box of cupcakes?

Me too. It’s a natural thing to do. After all, you’ve spent an entire week eating quinoa. While you were fantasizing about cupcakes. And while that sugar may feel good at the moment, we know that it’s about to be followed by a big, fat CRASH.

Sound familiar? If you’re nodding, you’ve probably done the exact same thing with dating. You go for so long without finding a guy that you really click with, and you’re starving. Then you meet someone who makes you feel good, and you fall HARD, FAST.

There are ONE of TWO outcomes:

1. Things get weird, he gets spooked, runs away. You are devastated.

2. When you actually DO get to know him, you find that he’s totally wrong. You are devastated.

Okay, actually there’s ONE outcome. You are devastated!

That’s what happened to a woman in my Facebook group this week. After looking online for a long time, she met someone she really clicked with. They texted for a couple of weeks. On the second date, he started acting weird. Then he told her that he wasn’t ready for intimacy or a relationship. She was completely crushed, beyond proportion to the length of time that she had actually known this guy. So many of us do this!

The hard truth is, attaching to someone before you actually know them is a huge danger zone.

When we want something badly, we store up energy and emotion around it, especially if that desire goes unfulfilled for a long time. Then, you finally meet somebody and you WANT them to be the one, so all that stored up energy and emotion takes over.

The minute he starts saying the right things, you begin to project your fantasy onto him. The truth is that you don’t actually know who he is yet, but you’re already attached because you want that sugar.

This is called an anxious attachment, and it’s an extremely unhealthy way to start a relationship. Take time, in the beginning, to go slow, get to know a guy and enjoy the process! This is crucial, despite what your brain and body are telling you to do.

It’s a fine balance. But even when you’ve waited for love for a long time, it’s important not to give your heart away too fast. It deserves better. Those who rush into relationships too fast tend to do it over and over again.

Unfortunately, most of our attachment issues start in childhood and they can run deep. Even if you try to tell yourself to slow down, it can feel impossible to stop yourself when your mind and body are telling you, “Go for it! It’s been ages since you’ve felt this way about anyone.”

Working with an expert love coach is the best way to get a handle on your anxiety and stop attracting the wrong men and sabotaging your chances at love.

If this sounds like you, and you’d like to talk through it, click here. If you’re finding yourself heartbroken again and again, I can help you break the cycle. I offer a FREE one-hour Breakthrough Session. These are exactly the things that I help people work through. Most of my clients find true love within 6 months to a year.

You can also join my Facebook group ‘Dating Without Drama’ or follow me on Instagram to become a part of the conversation.

I look forward to connecting with you!

We all have underlying fears that keep us from getting what we want in life. These fears are deep and they are usually related to past hurts. You have issues. I have issues. We all have enough to fill a magazine rack.

But in order to get what we want, we need to grow. We need to make changes. We need to go outside of our comfort zone. I know you’ve heard that phrase a million times, but I’d like to look at what it really means.

When you choose to stay with what feels comfortable and familiar, you get to avoid having to face anything that may require you to confront your issues. Doing this may feel like it is keeping you safe, but it is really keeping you stuck.

Something that’s important to know is that the anxiety you have about facing your fears is almost always much worse than just doing the thing you’re so afraid to do.

When I was dating, I had enough emotional blocks for a wicked game of Tetris. I was scared.  I was stuck. But then something happened that changed my life.

Here’s how it went down:

Let me begin by saying that I am not a thrill-seeker, at least not in the physical sense. You won’t find me bungee jumping or skydiving or anything else with the words “jump” or “dive” in it.

Part of the reason is that I fell off a horse when I was 15 and very nearly killed myself. It was deeply traumatic, so you can also cross off things with the word “ride” in it too.

So, there I was at a leadership training in the woods. I had neglected to read the fine print on the contract when I signed up for the course.   If I’d paid better attention, I would have known that we were going to be doing a series of death-defying challenges known as a ropes course.

I found myself standing underneath a 10-story suspension bridge strung between two redwood trees. They were expecting me to walk across this thing.

But it gets better. I need to tell you about the construction: two ropes with some slats laid across them. That’s it. No handrails. Just a safety harness tethered to your groin that you trust other people to hoist you up with if you fall. Good thing I don’t have any trust issues. None at all.

I’m not done. The slats were spaced far apart so you had to stretch to get from one to the other and the whole thing shakes. It is specifically designed to throw you off balance and make you feel like you’re going to fall to your death at any moment.

As I was standing on the ground watching the other women go, I began to freak out. The first one shimmied up the pole and stepped out on the plank. It started to shake. She froze. I froze.

The first one shimmied up the pole, stepped out onto the plank. It started to shake. She froze. I froze.

A few more go. Some of them freeze, some of them fall. They get up. The bridge shook. I shook. It was almost my turn. What was I going to do? I was so paralyzed with fear that I literally left my body.

Then, a voice that is not my own, said, “Go sit under a tree and meditate.”

I didn’t have a better plan, so I sat down on the ground and propped my back up against one of the Redwood trees. I closed my eyes. “Breathe,” I told myself.  “Just breathe.”

I breathed.

Eventually, I began to calm down a little and feel the blood come back into my limbs. Then, I heard the voice again.

“The nature of the bridge is to shake. Expect it to shake. It will shake.”

I opened my eyes. That’s it?? That’s all you got for me, Jedi voice? Expect it to shake? What was I supposed to do with that?

I sat with it and, after a few moments, it miraculously began to make sense! There was nothing I could do to stop the bridge from shaking. That is its true nature. If I got angry at it for shaking and I fought it, I would lose. I had to embrace the nature of the bridge. I had to work with it, instead of against it. And that’s exactly what I did.

I climbed the pole, I stepped onto the first plank and, true to its nature, the bridge shook.

I waited for it to stop. When I felt confident and safe, I took the next step. The bridge shook again. I kept my knees soft and waited for the shaking to stop. Then, I took another step. And just like that, step-by-step, I got across the bridge.

So, just as the nature of the bridge is to shake, the nature of dating is to face your fears and insecurities. Dating forces you to look at the ways you hold back and doubt yourself. As you go on dates and are searching for love, your fears are bound to come up.  

Just like most people panicked when the bridge started shaking, most people freeze, go into victim mode and retreat to their comfort zone when dating gets real. But what if, instead of freezing, you could embrace the nature of dating?

It is only when you have accepted the true nature of something that you will see what it has to teach you.

Dating shows you what your fears and blocks are so you can pause, breathe and accept them. Maybe you are afraid of rejection.  Maybe you’re afraid to open up and show someone the real you. Maybe you are afraid to ask for what you want from a man because you’re afraid you will seem needy or insecure. Whatever your fears are, dating is designed to show you where they are so you can move past them and get across the bridge to your true love who is waiting for you on the other side.

And here’s the great news: the other side is glorious. Facing my fears and getting to the other side of that bridge was the best feeling in the world. I wouldn’t want to do it again, nor would I want to look for another Benjamin, but I am closer to my true self for having done it.

If you would like some help in getting to your other side, click here to schedule a breakthrough session with me. Take a step towards finding the guardian of your soul. Trust me. It will be worth it.

Nakedly Yours,

When I talk with women about how they’re feeling in their love lives, a word that come up repeatedly is “drowning.”

Some feel that they are drowning in the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not they will ever find love. Some are drowning in worry about what their lives will be like if they don’t.

Others are drowning in the frustration of feeling like they are doing everything they can, and still getting nowhere.

And some of them tell me they are drowning their pain in alcohol or food to cover up the negative self-feeling, which of course, creates more negative self-feeling.

The word “drowning” has particular resonance for me. The fear, the overwhelm, the helplessness. But for the sake of analogy and an offering of hope, I’d like to share with you a personal story about the time I DID NOT DIE in a drowning incident:

Bali. Honeymoon of my first marriage. Monsoon Season. Suspiciously Empty Beach.

Then-Hub and I walk out on a sandbar. He goes in, I get carried off the sandbar.

I try to swim to shore, but the tide is going out. I can’t get in.

I’m getting pulled further and further out. I’m yelling.

I get pulled further. The waves are crashing. I’m kicking. He can’t hear me.

I try to get back in. He can’t hear me from the shore. I’m kicking. No matter what I do, can’t get anywhere. And I am a strong swimmer.

I’m strong. He doesn’t even know that something is wrong.

As fate would have it, out of literally nowhere, since the beach had been deserted, a strange man swims up to me.

He asks, “are you OK? “ “Yes,“ I say, “but I can’t get in.“

“Just put your arms around me and swim with me.“ He says.

“I will get you in.“

When we got to the shore, I looked at him – well over 6 feet tall, Australian, rippling muscles, tan with sandy blond hair – these are just details. Very. Important. Details.

I looked at him and asked “am I crazy, or was I going to drown out there?”

He said, “you weren’t getting in the way you were going.” 

“What do you mean?“ I asked him?

He said, “well you can’t swim against the tide, you have to swim diagonally. “

Contact me for movie rights.

Let’s be clear, the analogy here isn’t: if you feel like you’re drowning, keep doing what you’ve been doing and a ridiculously hot Australian guy will come along and save you. That doesn’t happen in real life. Well, actually it does. But the odds are low.

My point is, if I had panicked and gotten scared I could’ve drowned before he got to me. But more importantly, even though I felt the tide pushing against me, I could easily have swum to shore had I had that one important piece of information.

Deep in my heart, I want nothing more than for women to know that if you feel like you were drowning in the dating world, it is not because you lack. You may, however, be lacking the right information. 

So many people don’t understand is that there is help out there. There are experts and coaches who can help you navigate these waters by taking your hand and showing you how it’s done. This is one of the most important areas of your life and you can literally take years off the journey by learning how to stop swimming against the tide.

It is so easy to feel like you are drowning in the dating world, and waste years of precious time doing so.

And it’s also pretty easy not to. It is important for you to know that you are not alone. There are people on the beach and there are plenty of floating objects around you.

Get started by scheduling your free one hour breakthrough call. I want to tell you how coaching can literally make this journey joyful, playful, exciting, and positive. I want to help you learn how to swim diagonally, and into the arms of the Guardian of your Soul. 

I look forward to connecting with you!

XO,