My clients are smart, career-driven women who don’t want to waste time on the wrong guys. They want to figure out early on if a man has the potential to be a great partner. It’s not enough that he is successful and has financial resources. My clients know that the relationship will be unsatisfying and won’t last without a deep emotional connection and shared values. 

They often ask, “How do I tell if a man is emotionally available and has similar relationship goals?” This is an excellent question and one every women should be asking herself when assessing a potential partner.

In a moment, I will give you ten questions to ask that will help you answer that question. But before we dive in, it’s important to note that I’m not a huge fans of using a list of questions as a rigid checklist on dates. 

 

The Power of Observation

Relationships should unfold naturally. It’s more important to rely on your powers of observation rather than going into a date with a predetermined agenda. If you ask too many pointed questions, most men will feel uncomfortable. So, be careful not turn your date into an interrogation.

Questions can be useful, but often, a man will reveal his emotional availability through his actions, the way he speaks, and how he engages with you rather than through direct questioning. It’s important to create a space where these insights can emerge naturally.

 

The Art of Asking Questions

When you do decide to ask a question, you need to give a man the space to respond thoughtfully. Men often take longer to process their thoughts, so don’t rush them. If you ask a deeper question, allow some silence, giving him time to think and respond. This pause can be a powerful indicator of whether he’s genuinely considering your question or deflecting it.

 

10 Questions to Gently Gauge Emotional Availability

Here are some questions that are meant to help you better gauge a man’s emotional depth.

 

What have you learned from your past relationships?

This question is not just about his past relationships but what he’s taken away from them. Listen carefully to how he talks about his exes. Does he blame them or take responsibility for his part in what happened? Does he speak with compassion? How he reflects on these experiences can reveal a lot about his emotional maturity.

 

Tell me about a time when you experienced a significant loss.

This could be the death of a pet, a friend, or a family member. Observe whether he meets your vulnerability with empathy and shares a similar experience. A man who is in touch with his emotions will respond with genuine understanding.

 

What are your core values and principles?

Understanding a man’s core values is key to assessing compatibility. Does he value honesty, loyalty, or authenticity? These foundational beliefs are crucial for a successful relationship.

 

How do you respond to challenges at work or in life?

Sharing a personal story and seeing how he responds can be very telling. Does he offer empathy or try to solve your problem? His reaction will show how emotionally available he is when you’re going through a tough time. It is important to remember that it is a man’s nature to offer solutions to problems. Men are problem-solvers, and they want to feel useful. SO, many men will not ace this question. 

 

What was one of the best days of your life?

This question allows a man to reflect on positive experiences. If he struggles to come up with an answer, it’s okay to suggest that he shares one of the best days rather than the best. This opens the door for him to share something meaningful without feeling pressured.

 

What are your love languages?

Understanding how a man expresses and receives love is crucial. The five love languages—words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time—can reveal a lot about what makes him feel loved and valued.

 

What movie or book has had a significant impact on you?

A man’s favorite film or book that moved him can provide insights into his emotional world. Films like Field of Dreams often resonate with men, especially those dealing with themes of connection, purpose, and relationships.

 

What are you most grateful for?

Gratitude is a window into a man’s heart. Whether he’s grateful for his family, his health, or his career, his answer will reveal what he values most in life.

 

What is your proudest achievement?

This question helps you understand what he values in his own life. Whether it’s a career milestone, a personal growth moment, or a relationship, his answer will show you what he takes pride in.

 

If money were no object, what would your dream job be?

This question can reveal a lot about a man’s passions and dreams. It’s a great way to see if he’s living authentically or if there’s something more he’s yearning to do.

 

Conclusion

Remember, do not ask all of these questions at once. Use them as conversation starters. The key is to approach these topics with curiosity and openness, allowing the conversation to flow naturally.

Ultimately, what you’re looking for is not just the right answers but the quality of the interaction. How does he engage with you? Does he meet your vulnerability with his own? These are the indicators of a man who is emotionally available and ready for a deep, meaningful relationship.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into finding the right partner, visit my website at LisaShield.com to learn more about my programs and how I can help you find the Guardian of Your Soul.

Thank you for reading, and I hope these questions help you on your journey to finding love.