When I talk with women about how they’re feeling in their love lives, a word that come up repeatedly is “drowning.”
Some feel that they are drowning in the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not they will ever find love. Some are drowning in worry about what their lives will be like if they don’t.
Others are drowning in the frustration of feeling like they are doing everything they can, and still getting nowhere.
And some of them tell me they are drowning their pain in alcohol or food to cover up the negative self-feeling, which of course, creates more negative self-feeling.
The word “drowning” has particular resonance for me. The fear, the overwhelm, the helplessness. But for the sake of analogy and an offering of hope, I’d like to share with you a personal story about the time I DID NOT DIE in a drowning incident:
Bali. Honeymoon of my first marriage. Monsoon Season. Suspiciously Empty Beach.
Then-Hub and I walk out on a sandbar. He goes in, I get carried off the sandbar.
I try to swim to shore, but the tide is going out. I can’t get in.
I’m getting pulled further and further out. I’m yelling.
I get pulled further. The waves are crashing. I’m kicking. He can’t hear me.
I try to get back in. He can’t hear me from the shore. I’m kicking. No matter what I do, can’t get anywhere. And I am a strong swimmer.
I’m strong. He doesn’t even know that something is wrong.
As fate would have it, out of literally nowhere, since the beach had been deserted, a strange man swims up to me.
He asks, “are you OK? “ “Yes,“ I say, “but I can’t get in.“
“Just put your arms around me and swim with me.“ He says.
“I will get you in.“
When we got to the shore, I looked at him – well over 6 feet tall, Australian, rippling muscles, tan with sandy blond hair – these are just details. Very. Important. Details.
I looked at him and asked “am I crazy, or was I going to drown out there?”
He said, “you weren’t getting in the way you were going.”
“What do you mean?“ I asked him?
He said, “well you can’t swim against the tide, you have to swim diagonally. “
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Let’s be clear, the analogy here isn’t: if you feel like you’re drowning, keep doing what you’ve been doing and a ridiculously hot Australian guy will come along and save you. That doesn’t happen in real life. Well, actually it does. But the odds are low.
My point is, if I had panicked and gotten scared I could’ve drowned before he got to me. But more importantly, even though I felt the tide pushing against me, I could easily have swum to shore had I had that one important piece of information.
Deep in my heart, I want nothing more than for women to know that if you feel like you were drowning in the dating world, it is not because you lack. You may, however, be lacking the right information.
So many people don’t understand is that there is help out there. There are experts and coaches who can help you navigate these waters by taking your hand and showing you how it’s done. This is one of the most important areas of your life and you can literally take years off the journey by learning how to stop swimming against the tide.
It is so easy to feel like you are drowning in the dating world, and waste years of precious time doing so.
And it’s also pretty easy not to. It is important for you to know that you are not alone. There are people on the beach and there are plenty of floating objects around you.
Get started by scheduling your free one hour breakthrough call. I want to tell you how coaching can literally make this journey joyful, playful, exciting, and positive. I want to help you learn how to swim diagonally, and into the arms of the Guardian of your Soul.
I look forward to connecting with you!
XO,
